For my Daughter’s sake

For my daughter’s sake, I stayed in this unhealthy relationship for too long, for my daughter’s sake! that’s what I’ve been telling myself, but how is this for her? She is 13months, she loves her daddy, but how healthy is it for her if we are in a bad relationship? Eventually she will feel the tension, she will hear the words, she will see and understand the way my husband treats me.  This is not the example that I want to set for her.

so, for my daughter’s sake, for my sake, for all of us… I’m going to respect myself and not let anyone else disrespect me, for all our sakes I’m going to decide once and for all what I can and cannot live with. I will try very hard to make the relationship work, but not at the expense of my own self-respect and health… because stress is toxic and definately not at the expense of my daughter.  I never wanted to be a single mom, I never wanted my daughter to grow up without her father around, because I didn’t grow up with my father… but I grew up with a step-father who loved and took very good care of us.   So for now, if I have to I will just focus on being a great mom and just love and protect her.

A void caused by emotional abuse

In my last post I mentioned that I was ignoring  my husband and I got some emails saying that will not help anything… unfortunately, this is my last resort. In order to get myself and my life in order, to put some perspective on my days and to take care of my daughter the only thing that help was ignoring him. By that I don’t mean I pretended that he wasn’t there, but when he was rude, self-righteous, incosiderate, complained about things around the house, I ignored it… why? Because otherwise I would be a mess. I would cry about it, try to make him realize he’s being a jerk, try to get him to look at things through my eyes, but none of that happened and it never will because he will never change. 30 year old men don’t just change and being emotional will not help.

We’ve tried counselling, each time the counsellor told him something he didn’t like we switched counsellors.  Finally we went to a guy, my husband liked him, then the counsellor told him he was being verbally abusive to me, needless to say, that’s the last time that we went to counselling.  So what to do now? I don’t want to be with someone who is abusive “verbally” or otherwise. I don’t want my daughter growing up in that enviroment.  One day we are happy(super happy) the next day he treats me like he dispises me – then says that he didn’t mean it. Lets say I decided to tough it out and stay “for my daughter’s sake” well how long can I last like this? 

My husband is GREAT with our daughter, he helps with everything, he changes her diapers, he plays with her, he bathes her, he puts her to bed… he LOVES her… me on the other hand, he treats like CRAP!

Bottomline, my husband does not love me anymore, he doesn’t act like it, he doesn’t talk like he does… again, now what?  We were soooo good before the baby, but now we’re horrible. I get depressed some days because of it.  I know he would have been like this eventually even if we didn’t have her maybe five, maybe 10 years… but this side of him would have come out eventually.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!